I updated my resume today.
I don't have a job to apply to. I just felt like I should have one ready. You know. In case.
In case of what, I couldn't tell you. It's been a vibe.
The vibe started when I read that Microsoft shipped an AI that uses a computer. Not like, runs on a computer. Uses one. They're calling them computer-using agents, and they're handing them out to companies as we speak. It clicks the buttons. Fills out the forms. Moves the little mouse around the screen like a person with somewhere to be.
Which is, and I want to be clear about this, my entire skillset. Clicking buttons. Filling out forms. I went to school for the mouse.
So I opened my resume.
Then it got worse, because next I read about a study. One of those creativity tests, the kind where they go "name as many unusual uses for a brick as you can" and score how weird you're willing to get. AI versus regular people. The AI won. Beat the average human at thinking outside the box, on a test that is literally about thinking outside the box.
I am an average human. At being creative. That is the whole job description.
Cool. Added "team player." Kept going.
And then here's the part that actually got me. Remember a month ago, when the big AI guys, Sam Altman and Dario from Anthropic, were out there warning everybody about the great jobs apocalypse? The robots are coming, nobody's safe, that whole thing?
Today they said never mind.
Both of them! Walked it right back! Turns out it's going to be fine actually, jobs are great, don't worry about it.
Sir. You scared me into updating my resume and now you're telling me the building was never on fire. I already grabbed my laptop and ran outside in my socks.
Meanwhile SpaceX is about to go public for more money than I can physically hold in my head, and the fun part is you can buy a piece of it. Which is a generous thing to offer a person who just panic-listed "proficient in Excel" as a survival skill.
Hold on, someone's at the door.
...
False alarm. It was the wind. I live somewhere the wind knocks.
Okay. Resume.
I read it back, top to bottom, and every single skill on there is something a machine now does cheaper, faster, and apparently with more creativity than me.
So I deleted the file.
Because somewhere on the floor, in my socks, it hit me that I already have the best job.
I read the scariest news on the planet and try to make you laugh about it before your coffee goes cold. That's the whole gig. Flexible hours. No boss.
And you keep showing up for it. Which means, technically, against considerable odds, I am still employed.
You're my entire job security. No pressure.
See you tomorrow.
-Melly